Surgery Day Part Two

So when I last wrote you left me asleep under the influence of non recreational purely medicinal drugs! This part is to say what happened after I woke up.

The first thing I remember is fighting with this thing over my mouth that left an unpleasant taste. It was the mask they put on. It of course didn't seem like a couple of hours that I had been asleep. I believe it had been 9.00 when I went into surgery and it was about 11.00 when I woke up.

I remember one of the staff saying, "hi. All done." Although of course that was lip reading as I was now living in a world of complete silence. They wheel me out into the lift still on the bed. When I get back to the ward I catch a brief glimpse of my wife Christina who smiles and says hi. I lift my hand to say hi. They move me onto my ward bed. I'm still massively groggy and drift off to sleep again.

This on and off sleeping continues for a while. Christina stays by my bed. I am aware of the nurses taking my blood pressure every now and then. About 20 times throughout the afternoon.

Eventually I have the strength to sit up but am then aware of two things:
1) I am still really groggy and tired.
2) The room won't keep still.
It's the second one that concerns me most. I try staring straight ahead but the vertigo is really unpleasant. I'm asked if I want anything to eat. I refuse as I can't even see straight. I accept some water and have a short signed conversation with Christina. By the way signing has been our main form of conversation for over a year now. Must write a post about that part of the journey too. In the end I tell her that I need to lie down again so I do.

After a while of dozing off again I am aware of the surgeon coming round to see me. He asks how I'm doing then reaches over to adjust my head bandage. He can see I'm having vertigo but isn't phased by it as it's a common after effect of surgery. He says I might have it for two or three more days but that I can go home today as arranged. It is after this that I say I'll try some food. Lasagne...or at least a dry square form of it is brought on a tray with a vacuum packed apple crumble. It looks a little like a low budget version of aeroplane food! I have been told by my wife that they won't let me leave until I've eaten something. And it's about 5.00 now.

I cut off one bit and bring it to my mouth. Vertigo still there. But I back out. Queazy feeling. Don't want to chuck up here so I get up to go out to the toilet. Christina follows and so does the nurse who is trying to do up my gown thing as I go! I make it there in time to experience that horrible nauseous feeling. You don't want to know what happens next. Chuck. Chuck. Honk. Ewww!

Feeling a bit better I go back to the bed. And lie down. The nurses aren't happy about letting me go but I don't want food so we compromise on a cup of tea. I get up to drink it. But the vertigo won't go away. But I'm not staying here. Anyone will tell you that when you get vertigo you get hot and nauseous. And what you need after that is water...ok I've got that, and fresh air....there is no air in this stifling ward. No wonder I still feel like this. No way am I staying the night here.

I force myself to get up. But the nurses are starting to tell my wife that I need to stay the night. Christina tells me this and I look at her desperately. " don't leave me here!". She goes back and expresses my wishes. They resist saying I haven't eaten, I've vomited and still feel dizzy. I can see that she is having a battle on my behalf as I'm too weak to fight. I start to get changed then feel nauseous again. This time I've got one of those cardboard hat shaped sick containers to throw in next to my bed. Yes I make use of it! This adds to their evidence that I need to stay.

It comes to a head when a male nurse shouts at Christina: "if you walk out of here with your husband and he dies it will be your fault. Why is he being sick and dizzy?" This is in front of the whole ward.

Christina is an amazing woman and keeps calm but explains that it is my wish to leave, the surgeon and anaesthetist both said I could go and that dizziness is an expected after effect which can bring on the vomiting. He continues to remonstrate until I raise my hand and say " I am discharging myself then!". He grumpily walks off saying he's getting the ward doctor.

On our way out the doctor tries to get me to stay but I've made my mind up. One of the mist ridiculous things I'm asked is "can you hear me?". Of course I can't hear you. I'm on a ward which is
for people who have had cochlear implant surgery! The nurses know I won't change my mind so they go through the medication I need for the next week. Antibiotics and painkillers then get me to sign a
discharge note. With Christina supporting me heavily and still somewhat groggy we make it out, down the lift and out into the fresh air. Oh bliss...air.....not laced with sedatives!

In the car going home I doze off again and by the time we make it home I'm loads better. Next morning after a long sleep I'm fragile but all vertigo has gone.......

Now I'm at that in between stage. One chapter of my life finished. The next to begin in a few weeks. These next few weeks are the bit in between. Hey I might even get a chance to write a blog........

Richard's Journey Back to The Hearing World: Never done one of these bloggy things.But wanted ...

Richard's Journey Back to The Hearing World: Never done one of these bloggy things.
But wanted ...: Never done one of these bloggy things. But wanted to record the before and after of a big event in my life......the decision to have a coch...

Surgery Day! Ahhhhh! Part one

Well. 13th November finally arrived. I had been very stressed in the week and last few days leading up to the surgery. Goodbyes and good lucks had been said. I felt like Frodo going to Mordor with the ring with the wrath of Sauron waiting off him there! That's not to say that I'm likening NHS hospitals to the Dark Tower run by the dark lord but I guess it expresses the trepidation.

I had been told no food after midnight....much like the Gremlins in the 80s film.....then bed. I don't think I got a huge amount of sleep that night. Wasn't looking forward to the surgery and after effects. Being in silence for 5 weeks for one! I had to keep telling myself, and my wife kept saying too that this was worth it, it is the only option apart from carrying on as I was which was not really an option.

We drive to the hospital at kings cross and miraculously find a car park space round the corner. Because I had been told to come in at 7.30, this meant that I would be discharged the same day. So thankful for that as I've never stayed overnight in hospital and I don't want this to be the first!

We arrived early so put in a waiting room. Other candidates arrive. No one says much. No one really smiles. Bit of a relief when we are all called and follow the staff to C Ward. Never did find out what C stood for. Catastrophe. Calamitous. Cataclysmic. Or just the letter after B....

On arrival we are assigned to beds and the first thing I notice about the ward is the heat. Very warm.
Very trendy (not) gown given to me to change into and then I think it'll be ages before the surgery but no....I'm given some forms to sign..... Side effects of the operation are.....vertigo, sickness, possible bruising of the facial nerve.....as if I'm not stressed out enough already. The wife steadies my nerve....it is worth it! Now sign your life away on the dotted line....haha! Now you belong to us...... Ok so that's a bit melodramatic but this is a life changing procedure!

The surgeon comes to see me. Confirms my choice of advanced bionics and tells me he will be performing the procedure. He seems nice and jolly and confident so I think I'm in good hands! Blood pressure and temperature are taken by the nurse. Then it seems only a few minutes before someone arrives to take me away!

I look at my wife who squeezes my hand reassuringly. I hand over and ceremoniously wave to my hearing aid. I'll never be wearing it again. This is irreversible....SO IT HAD BETTER WORK!!!!!
I'm plunged into complete silence. All lip reading from now on. Hug the wife goodbye. She promises to be there when I wake. Just beginning to walk out with the assistant surgeon when the nurse stops me and asks me to complete a form saying what I want for lunch and dinner! Like I can concentrate on that right now! About to go for life changing surgery and you're asking me what I want for lunch! Has the world gone completely crazy? That done I make my way into the lift.....

We stop on a floor and step out. The anaesthetist is waiting with his concoction of drugs so I lie on the bed and wait for the injection. There's no counting to ten or anything stereotypical like that. He just says he's gonna give me lots of drugs to give me a great sleep! The needle goes in and I'm a gonna!

And that's where I'll leave this one. Part two next!

Quick recap...again...part 3 - CI assessment

So we come to the last part of the quick recap that has turned into a bit of a dissertation! It was supposed to be quick Richard!!

At the initial meeting at the Royal Throat Nose and Ear Hospital in Kings Cross London, I see the professor in charge if cochlear implants. He takes one look at my hearing tests and sees my difficulty understanding him and states that, "it's amazing that you are still working." Wow! Really? Well I suppose I do like to think I can be an inspiration to others who might find themselves in my situation. I must say at this point that the glory goes to The Lord who has carried me through all these years and has continually given me the strength to carry on.

He also states that his gut feeling is that I would definitely be a strong candidate for a cochlear implant.

"30 years ago we could not have done much for you but now, through technology we can help you."

Those were encouraging words and they remind me of that 70s series The Six Million Dollar Man.
"We have the technology. We can rebuild him."
The analogy is somewhat spoiled by the fact that he has a bionic eye, not ear but you know what I mean! My Aussie mate in Perth States that we should now start calling me Steve Austin! Cheers Dazza! But I'm way better looking than him! Dazza also informs me that it was an Aussie who invented cochlear implants. Way to go!

Back to the professor. He states that they have to invite me back for assessment to see if I fit into the category of those who can be offered a CI but feels that I will fit into that group. So that's April 2014.

I'm invited back in May 2014 where I have to perform a number of tests. Now I don't like failing tests but I also know that it is only in failing these tests that I will be offered the CI. Isn't that a bit like throwing a football match by letting the other team win? No! I decide that I will do my best (really! Truly!) and leave the rest to The Lord. He knows my needs.

I'm told to keep the hearing aid in and listen to some sentences being read out from a speaker. No visual clues. Purely audio. This is what I heard...."fffwaa fffwa FFA fa. Fffwa" so I reply:
" no sorry didn't get any of that". This happens a few times. There is one though that sounds like this:
"Ff wa shwaa fa shwa car."
"Oh" I say" one of those words was car!"
Result of the test........da da da da da da daaaaaaa......an astounding 5%! That I think is my lowest test result ever! Beating the 12% I got in a maths test once. But that's another story!

The other tests were watching a person read sentences with no sound on a screen. I was slightly put off by the guy's very eighties fashion and hairstyle which got me wondering whether they needed to update the video! I scored 17% on that one which showed I had some lip reading skills even when there was no context and the sentences were completely random. When the sound was added in the third test I scored a colossal 41% which would have scraped a borderline C in a GCSE exam!

So we finished the tests and had a meeting with the professor once again who concluded that even though technically it had to go to a panel, they were basically saying you will get a CI. When asked how I felt about that I think I expressed some apprehension. To which the wise words were issued: "you are only 45 years old. You can't carry on like this."
And I had to admit that he was right. I asked how long it would be till surgery to which I was told it would be around 6 months meaning December or January.

On getting back from a holiday in canada in the summer I opened a letter from the hospital saying that surgery would be November 13th. Wow. Now that's keen and efficient!

Ahhhh! What have I done?

Quick Recap Part Two

I realise that I was going to go straight to writing about the surgery but in my last blog entry I felt the need to explain how I got to surgery and the many years leading up to it.

So there I am living life with one ear that can hear and an effectively dead left one. But then 2007 at the age of 39 I get that familiar feeling of tinnitus in the right ear. Alarm bells... What if I end up deaf completely ? What if this one goes the same way as the other?

I make an appointment with audiology by which time the hearing is better again. Maybe it was just the effects of a cold virus they say. Breathe a sigh of relief for now. But I discover over the next year or so that this fluctuating hearing gives good days and bad days. Sometimes it will be fine for a few months then dip.

This fluctuation continues but I soon realise that the good periods are shorter and the bad ones longer. The other thing I notice is that even when the hearing is better it doesn't reach the levels of before. At audiology they continue doing hearing tests that show a downward trend.

I notice in every day life that I can't often use the phone as it is unclear what the other person is saying. I also notice that my singing which I used to enjoy is now going out of tune or off key....no it hasn't always been like that......ask anyone....no actually don't! When I play the chords on the guitar I can't make them out properly so I'm singing and playing in two different keys!

Audiology give me a hearing aid which is useful at times but still doesn't make things clear.

2011 and 2012 sees a return of the vertigo attacks. Whilst running around a track in training, I experience a sudden turning feeling and end up falling to my left turning an ungainly somersault/ roll bruising my shoulder. Walking to the tube station in September 2012 to go to the Paralympics with my family, I suddenly get that feeling again. I feel pulled backwards by the sudden vertigo and hit my head on the road.

I guess all I can say is that the attacks don't last long. A few minutes recovering in a cold sweat and some water and I'm up and off again. Sounds mild compared to some of the stories people tell me about days in bed in a darkened room or having to give up work.

Eventually in 2013 as my hearing continues to deteriorate, I recognise the need for a more powerful hearing aid. There is a noticeable difference now. Teaching is harder, I can't hear the most simple things the children are saying. If I think about it, the last 18 months before my surgery represented the fastest deterioration.

For that time I had to make some adjustments. Instead of question and answer verbal sessions with the class, I would get children to write things on boards,etc. My school purchased a phonak roger pen mic to make listening easier, if easier is the right word here. It certainly helped. Not perfect solution but combined with the lip reading that I just had to acquire, it assisted me in meetings.

But while these adjustments were going on, at an audiology appointment in Sept 2013, the consultant suggested again more strongly that I should go for a cochlear implant.....hurrah...there you go, I have remembered what this blog is about! So the ball is set rolling.....

Work is challenging but I have now accepted that my hearing won't get better without surgery. I guess if I had known back in 2007 that I would end up profoundly deaf in the left and pretty much the same in the right, I may not have been able to cope with that thought. But like I said, it is kind of a relief really. My wife quite rightly says to me to stop saying to people that I have a hearing difficulty. I can just simply state "I am deaf." And there is a certain release in saying that. It's not defeatist. It's not accepting that life is rubbish. No. These are my circumstances. I make adjustments but the world around me needs to be aware too and make its adjustments.

I now realise that I'm gonna have to blog about the cochlear implant process in the next blog entry. We will get there I promise!!

But first here's a quick recap. Part One

I would say that this day marked the beginning of a new chapter but I can't really say that. I mean if I woke up from surgery and they switched it on straight away and I had better hearing I guess we could call that a new chapter. But actually there are many hurdles and much waiting until that happens so I like to refer to this day as the end of one chapter and the beginning of a period of waiting for the next one to begin.

So what have I left behind?

Early twenties I begin to get an inkling of something not quite right with my hearing. There's no accident, horrific illness, etc that brings it on. All I can say is that I started becoming aware of a ringing in the ear. The big T as doctors call it..tinnitus. Annoying but I'll live. It'll probably go....but doesn't. It gets worse to the point where in that ear...left...I struggle to hear someone on the phone. Worse still I start getting sudden dizzy attacks of vertigo. Not fun when one of those was whilst riding my bike!

It carries on getting worse the hearing but the vertigo is not often and so I adjust and use my fully functioning right ear for any conversation in public or on the phone. OK so its embarrassing when someone on your left side thinks you're being rude when they are saying "excuse me..." like five times and you don't respond!

Teacher training finishes in 1994 and I begin a teaching career as a partially deaf person but its entirely doable. I try an analogue hearing aid in the left ear but I can't get used to it and it doesn't feel like it offers me any great improvement.

I get married in 1995! Gorgeous woman Christina.....She's an amazing person....she needs to be to cope with what the future will hold!

So things carry on for about ten to twelve years with one ear and life goes on. My two boys are born in those years. N and J in 1999 and 2001.

But then I get that familiar feeling that something isn't quite right with the right one! I try to tell myself it'll be fine and its just temporary and its not the same as the left. Well, at first it seems that way......

Pre surgery jitters

So in the weeks leading up to the operation on November 13th....
Its fine when it comes through in September....Oh great I have the date of my surgery....
Then as it gets nearer and nearer you feel like you might be walking to your doom.....WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!

It starts to get like....So I'm going to let a surgeon drill a hole in my skull to thread a wire through there, carefully avoiding the facial nerve into a tiny thing about 2 cm wide......while I'm asleep......

Told the athletics team at school to keep training hard as this is the last training session I'll be running before Christmas....its only November 7th....a bit early to be talking about the festive period!

Then the day before. I tell my class to be good and keep learning hard because I'm going to have an operation that will hopefully make me hear better....HOPEFULLY.....

Say cheerio to work colleagues...feels like I am going off and returning as a completely different incarnation of me!!

Night before...nil by mouth from midnight! Gotta be at Kings Cross by 7.30 am. Still time to wimp out....But whats the alternative? Carry on not understanding 99% of what people say...or take the plunge?

Tomorrow.....my freedom, my hope or my doom?